Re-read

It took a couple tries before I understood what was being said here. But I think De Montaigne could’ve summed it up by saying, “No one likes a know-it-all.”

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“The Creation of…

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Trying to Move On

I’ve dealt with a lot of hurt and grief since my last post. Since April, my Dad’s health took a hard turn. His battle with COPD ended on August 4th. I’ve still not fully processed that he is gone from me.

Every time I’ve sat down at the keyboard a hard lump has formed in my throat that I’ve simply been unable to push past. Besides the grief from his passing, I’ve been dealing with anger, resentment, and more ugly feelings that I don’t want to think about anymore. Loved ones, some that I share blood with and some who said they’d be there if they were ever needed, I felt let me down. But there were others, some strangers and some I thought cared for me none showed up in a mighty way. And because I was afraid of what I might say to what I felt was a betrayal, by friends and by my beloved Daddy, I haven’t written anything at all. “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all,” so to speak. I knew that I would end up writing something that I would forever regret.

In the meantime, in trying to deal with these cyclones of emotions, I’ve turned to the only place I know – God’s Word. Probably not coincidentally, I’m sure, a study in Job began in the First 5 app at the peak of my grief. (Google it if you haven’t heard of it. It’s a great study resource, for women especially.)

I expected to get some lessons on how to grieve. How to get past the wounds and resentments. What I got was a dose of humility and a hard lesson on how *I* should act as a friend and as His child.

In studying, truly studying, I have changed in my way of thinking. The way I act and the way I treat people has shifted. But ultimately, I’ve been working on who it is that I am trying to please and why.

I have a long, long, long way to go. But I’m making progress – both in my grieving and my growing. And, Lord willing, you’ll begin to see more of that progress on here again, too.

Gritty Friendship


I’m reading a book that asks the question, “Why is it so difficult to make lasting friendships with women?” Too many years to count I’ve often felt like the only friend that I could count on is my husband. I don’t think that I’m alone in feeling that way, either. 

I think the biggest hindrance to long friendships is that people don’t meet the expectations that we set for them. We want to mold people in our image. Not the person they’ve managed to grow themselves into; despite our kneeding. 

For me, at least, my biggest disappointments are often when people fail to reflect my own “values”. That friend who is constantly late. Or doesn’t invest as much work as I feel as if I’ve put in. Or fails to appreciate a task that I volunteered to do. It’s hard for me to remember why I like a person when I’ve been forced to put a bunch of leftovers in the fridge because of a super-late cancellation — again. 

But I think it’s inevitable that once you get so close to someone you’re going to rub each other’s feelings the wrong way. The determining factor for the longevity of the friendship is whether you let that rubbing create cracks, compromising the foundation, or if you allow it to smooth and polish the bond.